November 4, 2022

Hi, y’all –

It’s been a minute since I have had a second to stop and write and get you updated on how I am and where I am in my journey.  As many of you know, I have been on Xeloda since July 5^th of this year.  I found out before taking this oral chemotherapy that I had the DPD Enzyme deficiency which classified me as an intermittent processor, or rather in English, it means that it takes longer for me to process the Xeloda than it does for someone who does not have the deficiency.  What that also means is that the chemotherapy stays in my bloodstream longer than it does for someone that doesn’t have this issue.  What it also means is that I was not able to take a full dose and it also means that my side effects have the potential to be worse than it would be for someone who did not have this deficiency.  What it has meant for me is that I was able to do the first three cycles at my half dose of 1500 mg a day, however, my side effects were blisters on my feet, cracking of the skin, red hands, and a headache.  Starting with cycle 4, I went down to 1000 mg a day which helped to control the blisters on my feet, the cracking of the skin, and the redness of my hands, but…. It did not cure the headaches.

I have struggled for almost 5 months with a headache from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed at night.  Most days the headache is annoying at best, however, some days the headaches have been almost debilitating.  I’ve never had migraines, but I have friends who have and the bad days are like having a migraine.  For those of you who suffer from migraines you know that is no fun.

I visited with my oncologist, Dr. Beth Hellerstedt, before beginning my sixth cycle and collectively we decided that six cycles would be the end of my Xeloda journey.  For me, this decision has been a struggle and somewhat of a hard decision to make.  First, as you all know, I have done everything, and I mean everything, within my power to fight this disease.  Basically, my thoughts going into this was to “throw the kitchen sink at it”, however, 14 months later – post-chemo, post-surgery, post-radiation, and now post-Xeloda, I am okay with my decision to stop at cycle six and now allow my body to rest and to heal.  That has not been an easy decision to make.  In fact, as of today, I am considering and will be speaking with my oncologist in my next appointment about finishing up the last two cycles after the holidays once my body has had some time to heal.  We will see how that conversation goes and what I decide to do, but for now, I am confident that stopping at cycle six is the right decision.

It’s now time to focus on new beginnings, on learning to live again, on making plans, visiting friends & family, planning our forever home in Evant, Texas, planning vacations, on getting back to walking, yoga, and whatever else happens to be on my list.  I can’t tell you how wonderful, and scary, that feels.  There is a common fear amongst post-treatment cancer patients about what you do when you are no longer “fighting” the disease.  How do you go forward without being terrified that the disease is coming back?  Luckily, I have a lot of people that I know or have met, who are cancer survivors, all of whom have shared that although hard to not have that thought in the back of your mind, it is possible to live without looking over your shoulder. So that is what I plan to do.  I plan on living without looking backward, only forward.

I want to say a huge, huge Thank You to all of you for all of the love, support, prayers, cards, gifts, healing thoughts, energy, and so much more.  This last year of my life has shown me so much.  The lessons that I have learned are lessons that I will carry with me forever.  Please don’t take this as a goodbye because it’s not.  I will continue my blog, although, the blogs will be on topics that touch me, on lessons that I would like to share, on ideas that I may have, or anything else that I feel may be a good topic of conversation.  I also want you all to know, as I heal, as I rest, and as I move forward in my life, I will provide updates on my health as I have new scans in the future.  Today, I am cancer free, and I plan to stay that way. 

I hope that you will plan on staying around and watching to see what this blog becomes.  I hope that if you find yourself or someone you know in the position, I found myself in September of 2021, newly diagnosed with cancer, please send them to this blog, ask them to reach out to me, or just guide them here to my blog, so they can know that there is hope in some of the darkest moments of our lives.  I still feel that this is just the beginning, I still have so much to share.  I know that there are so many more people that I can help, and I promise to keep helping where I can when I can.  I promise.  Thank you again for your support, your outpouring of love is something I will carry with me forever.  For now, Cheers to New Beginnings, New Blogs, and a brighter tomorrow.  I can’t wait to share my next chapters with you all!

Xo,

Tracy