September 25, 2023

As I sit here waiting for my appointment for my annual scans at the Mays Center at MD Anderson in Houston it’s difficult not to reflect on that moment just over two years ago (9/23/21) when I received the news that the suspicious spot in my right breast was cancer.   For anyone who has been in this position and heard these words, whether for yourself, or for someone else, you know how those words will change your life forever. 

I look around this room at all the young ladies sitting with their spouses, family members, or friends, and in their faces, I can easily tell which ones are here, like I was, anxiously waiting to get the scans and praying to hear that the lump, or suspicious area, is benign and nothing to worry about.  Secretly, I know that some of these beautiful souls will walk out today feeling relieved, and ready to move on, but I know that more of these beautiful souls will hear the news that I heard, and today will be the day that forever changes their lives.  For those ladies my heart goes out to them today.  My prayers are for them today.  My hopes are that after they have some time to process the news that they realized that “this is not a death sentence, it’s just a bump in the road” and that once this is over, they will learn how to live their lives again, they will smile again, they will see how much sweeter life is to them because of this moment. 

My hopes are that in this moment they take the time to look inside and unpack all that they have been carrying around that is no longer serving them.  My hopes are that they learn to listen to their bodies and prioritize themselves first.  My hopes are that they continue to plan, to dream, and dream big for the future that they want.  My hopes are that for the things they have been putting off, they start prioritizing these things.  My hopes are that today is a moment that they grieve the news but celebrate in the joy that this journey will be for them.

So many of you have been on this journey with me from the beginning and I’m so thankful that you are still here supporting me, praying for me, and sending me loving, healing thoughts.  Many of you have asked, or wondered, if I am considered “cancer free” and that question is hard for me to answer because there is my answer, and then there is the medical answer, so I have decided that I answer that question with the response that I remain “hopefully optimistic” with each passing day, with  each passing scan, with each passing month, and each year.   The medical answer is that Triple Negative Breast Cancer’s (TNBC) recurrence, or metastasis, is greatest in the first three to five years, then after that the percentages for recurrence, or metastasis, is the same as anyone else’s.  Now if you ask me my answer, it’s that today I am cancer-free and everyday I am working hard to heal my body, and to remain cancer-free. You see, I believe that the doctors will do everything they can, and have, to treat the disease, and heal my body but it’s been up to me to take care of my mental, and physical body, which is why I am such a believer in speaking positively to myself, continuing to take the time to pause when I need a break, acknowledge when I am scared and work through that, to dump any toxic people, and behaviors from my life but more importantly it’s been up to me to continue to plan ahead, dream big, and to continue marching forward.  

Please know that no matter what you are going through, you will get through it if you continue to just move forward.  It’s when you sit frozen in fear that you will not progress, and sadly, the thing that you may not realize is that sitting stagnant will not protect you from what is coming towards you, sometimes, doing nothing makes the decision for you, which may not be the decision you would have made.  YOU have the power to choose how YOU will perceive the place that YOU are today.  My question for you is, will you choose to accept where you are at, or will you not?  Will your perception be positive, or negative?  Will you lean-in and let God lead, or will you continue to try and row your boat against the current?  Will you take the time to learn the lesson that is there for you, because trust me, there is a lesson, you just need to take a moment to see what that lesson is.  What will you do?

As my network continues to grow with women that I’ve been introduced to who have battled or continue to battle this ugly disease it’s through these women that I have witnessed how strong these women are, and at the same time I’ve also seen how afraid others they are.  Some of these ladies sit in denial and act like none of this is happening to them when it is.  What I’ve realized is that everyone is on their own journey, their own path, and it’s up to them to determine the road for themselves and as much as we would like to help, sometimes the best help we can be is to just wait and watch to see what they decide to do for themselves. 

As I sit here and wait to be called in for my next set of scans, I want you to know, no matter where you are today in your journey. I see YOU and I acknowledge that this is YOUR journey.  I acknowledge that YOUR journey is as important to you as my journey is for me.  I pray that you will embrace the journey, and that you will learn from it.  I pray that you will learn to love yourself more.  I pray that you will learn to speak kindly to yourself and put yourself first.  I pray that you will trust yourself, trust that your body knows how to heal itself, if you just support it and let it.  I pray that you find comfort in knowing that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.  You CAN beat cancer, alcoholism, drug addiction, or whatever it is you are battling internally.  You CAN, and WILL overcome whatever your situation is, just keep walking forward to the light that is beyond the trees and will shine brightly on your face when you get there.  I promise!

So, for today, say a special prayer for me that my scans are clean and that I continue to be “cancer-free.”  I will always remember as I walk through these doors and heard the words that changed my life forever and in a strange way, I will always be thankful for this moment because those words not only changed my life, but they also helped to heal my heart, my soul, and those words are what made me decide to truly learn to love myself.   Please say another special prayer today for the lovely ladies, and beautiful souls that will have their lives forever changed by the news they will receive today.  Please pray that they find joy in the sadness, and the light in the darkness, and the lesson in the journey. 

I will give y’all an update once my scans are done.  Promise.

Xo,

Tracy

Update as of 3:11 pm CT – mammogram is clear. Ultrasound isn’t back yet but the oncologist doesn’t expect anything different than everything being okay. They will call later with results. As of now I’m heading back home. Thanks for all the prayers.