November 6, 2022

I was on the phone the other day catching up with my friend Kris for his birthday and he was telling me that he had just read my blog titled “Let it Go” and he reminded me of a conversation that he and I had when he was moving and I was helping him pack, or maybe I was moving and he was helping me pack either way, I’m sure the conversation went something like this:

Me holding up some object of Kris’s, looking at him, and saying something like this:  So, what category does this fall into?  Is this Stuff? Or is this, Shit?

Kris:  What’s the difference?

Me:  Well, you see, Stuff are the things we must take with us.  It’s the important stuff. Shit is something you can live your life without. 

At this point, Kris looked at me, thought about it, and then made his decision on whether that thing I was holding in my hand was part of his stuff or just shit.

See my theory was this:  Shit, is the memorabilia that is holding you back from moving on.  Shit is the garbage we take with us.  We pack it away, we move it with us, we bring it out and display it in the next relationship, the next job, the next friendship.  It’s the garbage that sits on the shelf, not serving us but reminding us that it’s there.  It’s the garbage in our lives that we need to throw away to truly move forward but for some reason, we don’t. 

Stuff, however, are the joy of our lives.  The memories, the photos, the degrees, or awards, the experiences, and the people that serve us.  The things that allow us to smile inside, the things that light a fire in our souls and allow our hearts to expand and fill with love.  Our stuff is the thing that we should take forward with us. The things that will continue to feed our hearts and souls for years to come. 

On the reverse, we all carry our Shit with us as well.  Memories that do not serve us but continue to hurt us.  Memories that trigger emotions of pain, hurt, and heartache.  Memories that can put us back into that “place” we were at in that moment no matter how far we think we’ve come.  My homework this week from my therapist is to look back and define the emotions that trigger my hurt, or for me, my anger.  The hurt you see is a secondary emotion to something else and for each of us, that primary emotion can be something different.  I have conditioned myself to associate my hurt, or pain, with anger.  Whether that hurt is from a fear of abandonment, loneliness, betrayal, etc.  It’s stuff.  The stuff that is not serving you, and in fact, its stuff are the things that continue to hurt you.  It’s the stuff that we put into a box and carry around with us.  It’s the box that we sit in the corners of our lives.  We try and forget that the box is there, but in reality, we are aware that it’s still sitting there.  It’s a box that we don’t acknowledge that it’s there, and we know it is.  That stuff, when triggered, comes out of that box on its own and resumes the hurtful place or behavior in our lives that it always did.  This is the Shit that we need to dig through, acknowledge the time, the place, and the pain it caused in our lives, and then lovingly let it go.  It’s the Shit that we don’t need to continue to carry with us.  It’s the Shit that holds us back from truly moving forward.  It’s the Shit that continues to block the blessings that God has for us in our lives.

Let me give you some examples of what is part of my stuff.  I have a picture of my mother and myself when I was just a toddler.  It’s in a silver frame and it sits next to my sink today, as it always has.  It’s my favorite picture of me with my mother.  It reminds me of who I am, because of the love, time, and energy my mom gave to my sister and me. See these are the things that you take for granted when you’re younger, the memories that you will never understand until the day that you are knee-deep in the middle of raising your own children.  Till the day that your child does or says something that breaks your heart in a way that no one else ever can, until the day that same child does something to make your heart smile like no one else can.  That picture is part of my stuff.  Equally, I have a photo that is posted to the bulletin board in my office, with my Granny holding me as I look at my baby sister, Nicky, for the very first time.  That moment makes my heart swell with so much love.  My sister and I, like all siblings, have had ups and downs in our lives.  We have argued and fought like no one else could.  We have had moments where we didn’t speak, but at the end of the day we are sisters and the love we have for each other can never be matched or broken, no matter the time or distance between us.  This is part of my Stuff.  It’s the same way I feel when I hear a Jo Dee Messina song, which takes me right back to the days when Kris and I would have sushi and then drive his Porsche across the Bayside Bridge at 100 mph,  cloaked because we were sure we were going so fast that no one could see us.  The bulletin board next to my desk, is full of stuff – cards and notes from Mano, cards from friends, photos of those who have passed on, as well as old drawings from the kids and their school stuff.  See these memories are part of my threads, my stuff.

I am tired of carrying around this Shit in my life.  This Shit is the reason why I have decided to go to therapy and work on cleaning out that box and finally throwing it away.  I’ve decided that I deserve to free myself to enjoy the Stuff in my life.  The Stuff that I plan on filling that same box going forward.  Not only do I deserve this, but Mano deserves this. He deserves a healthier version of me.  We have gone through some shit in our relationship, as with any relationship, but today it’s time to unpack that shit and release it so we can start to pack that box full of our stuff.  The stuff that will fill us with love, and light and move us forward in a way that serves us. 

I expect that this blog will offend some, and yet, for others, it will be something that will start some reflection on your own lives. I expect that some of you will look around at your stuff, and your shit, and think about what your next steps are. My prayers for you are that you will choose to unpack your box of shit, no matter how hard that may be, and start to fill it with your stuff.  Listen to me when I say, YOU ARE WORTH IT, and YOU DESERVE IT!  Your family is worth it!  Your husband, significant other, children, co-workers, etc. are worth it and they deserve it!  Don’t be afraid to unbox your shit.  You’ll be happy that you did.

If you take nothing else away from this blog, take this, remember to ask yourself, “Is this stuff? Or shit?”  I hope that simple question helps you to define what you take forward with you in your life.

Xo,

Tracy

Side note – I want to say a big Thank You to you, Kris.  Thank you for being part of my stuff and reminding me that it’s okay to let your shit go.  I adore and appreciate our friendship more than you will ever know.  Thank you for filling my heart with more laughter and some of the best one-liners that still make me laugh today. One day we will take that couch to the beach and watch the sunset as we sit back and drink an iced cold cocktail.  Hell, we may still be on there in the morning watching the sunrise with a Bloody Mary in our hands.