August 12, 2022

Happy Fri-Yay y’all.  As many of you know and some of you may not know – Today is my birthday.  I am officially 51 years old and what a ride it’s been.  I can tell you that today I view birthdays WAY differently than I have in the past.

In the past, I hated celebrating my birthday.  From the time I was a young child growing up in Florida and having an August birthday they were (almost) always ruined by a summer storm so anytime we made plans to do a kiddie birthday outside or at a water park, they (almost) always turned into a bowling party which, for a kid, sucked.  A water park or outside event was always cooler than bowling.  As I grew up, I never put much weight into my birthdays or any reason to celebrate until last year. 

For some reason, last year, for my 50^th birthday – I just had this feeling that I needed to make it a big event and really blow it out of the park.  Why, at the time I didn’t know why, however, today I do.  Last year Mano hired a private chef to cook an amazing meal in our home with some of our friends for a private dinner party and then with another set of friends we went to Mexico and stayed at the most AH-MAZ-ING home with a private chef, private butler, staff, grounds keeper, etc.  It’s been nicknamed the “Damn it, Tracy” vacation by all who attended.  The reason is that for everyone, there would be no other vacation that would ever compare to that one – thus, “Damn it, Tracy” would live forever in our minds. (So fun….so worth the title).

At that time though, little did I know that a couple of months later my life would be forever changed by hearing the words “You have invasive ductile carcinoma” (IDC) and then 7 days after that finding out that it was Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC).  Those words, that diagnosis, would forever change my life.  Little did I know that it would be for the better and not for the worst than I originally thought.  (Praises!)

Today, I am shouting from the rooftops – TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!! I am excited about celebrating and sharing this with all of you today.  I am grateful, joyful, and blessed that I am here today to celebrate myself.  Trust me there were moments in the past year that I possibly thought I may not be.  PRAISES indeed.  But more than just physically being here today I know that mentally I am stronger and a hell-of-a-lot more grateful for each day, heck, each moment that I am here.  I am more aware of my body and my mind.  I am more attuned to what my body is telling me and who I am and how I interact and treat others around me. 

I appreciate all aspects of life so much more than I ever have or ever could have imagined.  I appreciate being able to love and accept those around me for who they are.  I have learned to take my power back to others that I gave too much power over me.  I have learned who my real friends are and those who aren’t.  I’ve learned to love each of them the ones that are and the ones that aren’t for who they are and not who I expected them to be.  I have learned to prioritize what is important in life, such as my faith (God), my husband, my sons, my family, my friends, and my health!!!  I have learned to balance my work and not let it control my life as I have in the past.  I’ve found my voice through this experience.  I have learned to stand up for myself and my health.  I’ve learned how to do research for knowledge and give the rest to God because I finally get that NONE OF THIS is in my control. 

I have met some truly remarkable ladies who are my heroes.  The ladies who walked this walk ahead of me (Heather, Sandy, Tam, Yvonne, Michelle, Jen, Sabrina, Sarah, and others) have shared with me, loved on me, checked on me, and just been a source of support that only those going through this journey will understand.  The ladies who have followed behind me (Kelly, Pat, Mary, Becky, and others) I’m so thankful that you’ve allowed me to lift you up and share my journey in hopes that ONE THING (or more) that I’ve shared would help you in your journey and for those of you who are not diagnosed yet, who have no idea of the anvil that will one day fall and take your breath away* I am here for you.  I hope and pray that this blog will find you, help you, and guide you to a place where your soul and your body can begin to heal!

I can tell you that the biggest thing I’ve learned is that God is so good – SO GOOD!  I’ve learned that God is faithful.  I’ve witnessed firsthand the grace that he has provided me in the deepest and darkest moments of my journey.  I have also experienced and seen the promise of hope that he has promised to us all if you are brave enough to ask for it.  Trust me that you will be happy you did.

Mano and I shared a tender moment this morning where we both shared with each other and acknowledged how truly scary this past year has been for all of us and how much we have learned to CHERISH the moments we have together and how GRATEFUL we are for each day that we have together.  For us, being each other’s third marriage, I thought we knew before how truly thankful we were before, but we had no idea how much we, as individuals, and, as a couple, would be tested and how much we would learn.  The best part of it has been that we have learned together.  I’ve always said that it’s been by the GRACE OF GOD that Mano and I are still married after the crazy rocky start we had, however, now I KNOW that it’s because of HIS GRACE that this experience has made us a stronger couple.  Y’all have no idea how thankful I am for that.  Mano wrote in my birthday card today that I am his “missing puzzle piece” and I believe that.  I believe that together we just work. (PRAISES INDEED).   I told him today that I do not plan to go anywhere anytime soon, and I meant it.  Those that know me, you know, that I have a lot left to say.   

In closing, I want to say a great big THANK YOU to all of you who have texted, called, sent, or dropped off a birthday card for me today.  I am blessed beyond words because of you!  THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Xo,

Tracy

*One day I will write the post about this and I swear I’ll get to it soon…..