July 10, 2022

Happy Sunday Funday – I hope everyone is having a wonderful day.  Mano and I had lunch with our dear friends, LeAnn and James today and it was SO good catching up with them and enjoying time together.  We even managed to sneak in a game of Farkle – James won BTW.  What have you done with your day??

This post is something that I have felt compelled to write for quite some time, and yet, I want you all to know it’s not directed at any one person or even a group of y’all, but something that I truly felt the need to share.  Since my diagnosis I have had many different reactions from so many people and being a psychology major, it’s been interesting and even exciting to witness the behavior, or lack of behavior in some cases, from those around me/us because sometimes people just don’t know what to do/say – and that’s okay.

Remember yesterday when I stated that this journey – the cancer journey – is a marathon, not a sprint?  Please remember that, because that is what it is.  

My PSA for today is for anyone who has a recently diagnosed friend, family member, or who has been recently diagnosed themselves, or is not diagnosed yet and will be diagnosed in the future (God forbid), please, please, please remember the marathon statement.  Remember to stay the course and walk at a pace that works for the person who’s on the journey.  Remember that the road is long, and the road is bumpy, often with many stops, starts, pitfalls, and unexpected events.  So many people are present, dedicated, and attentive in the beginning, but are MIA 6 months to a year later.  The beginning is really the easy part.  The beginning is when the cancer patient is the most dedicated too!!!  It’s at the 6-month, 9-month, and 12-month mark that it becomes hard.  TRUST ME – I KNOW!  It’s the time that it’s the most difficult for me too!!!  These are the days that I’ve had to remind myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint.  It’s these moments where I have to dig deep inside myself and my faith and TRUST that I’ve got this and that God’s got me!!! It’s during these moments that “the person” will need you. 

We, the cancer patient, understand that you don’t know what to say – AND THAT IS OKAY.  We understand that sometimes you don’t know what to do – AND THAT IS OKAY TOO – DO NOTHING.  We, more than anyone, understand that everything is now different.   That is why we need, in fact, often we crave some sense of normalcy in our world where NOTHING is normal anymore.  We want someone to sit with us and talk about all the stuff we talked about when we were healthy (or normal).  Some days, we want to NOT talk about cancer.   Lord knows we have enough doctors, nurses, physician assistants, pharmacists, etc. to talk to about cancer.  Some days, we WANT to talk about cancer.  However, for the most part, we just want to be treated the same way we were treated prior to our diagnosis.  Whatever that looked like when we were with you.  If that was sitting around bitching about our kids, our jobs, our spouses (not you Mano, I never bitched about you), then that is what we want to do.  If that was going to a movie, shopping, lunch, whatever – then that is what we want to do.  Tell us about your latest book, vacation, adventure, etc.  Just treat us like you did before – I promise – last time I checked cancer is not contagious.  You won’t get it by hanging out with us.  One of the best things that someone has done for me was to send a random text asking “How can I bless you today?”  That has been one of my most FAVORITE things to receive during this journey.  Honestly, that one text has taught me how to be a better person, a better Christian for others.  It’s something that I now use and pay forward to those I know who are going through hard times.  (Side note – Thank you my special friend for those text messages.  You know who you are!)

Here are a few articles that have been written about this very topic that you may find helpful.  I’m sure there are so many articles out there, these are just a few.

• What Can I Say to a Newly Diagnosed Loved One – here.
• 10 Tips for Supporting a Friend with Cancer – here.
• 6 Ways Relatives and Friends Can Help When You Have Cancer – here.

The one thing I will say for you NOT to do is, tell us a story about your mother, brother, sister, neighbor, barber, nail tech, etc. who DIED from the same cancer we have or even cancer we don’t have.  Trust me when I say that we ALL know of someone who has DIED from cancer.  We get it!!!  Please in the beginning – DON’T DO THIS!  Down the road, this may be something that we are receptive to and open to hearing but not today.  Not within the first few months of our own diagnosis.  In the first few days, weeks, and months of the initial diagnosis, the cancer patient is already planning their own funeral because we are not yet convinced that we are going to be able to LIVE with cancer. 

There are so many stories of cancer patients healing themselves with all kinds of different methods – laughter, food, mindfulness, meditation, etc.  Here is a simple Amazon search if you don’t believe me, the books are endless – here.

In closing, for those on the fence about how to broach this subject with someone you know and love who (again – God forbid) finds themselves facing this road, I hope this will help.  Just be the same.  Just be you.  You, your friend, your family member, or whoever is the recently diagnosed person will love you for it.  I promise!

Xo,

Tracy 

P.S. For those brave enough to share – I’d love to know what someone did for you during a trying time in your life that made a difference.  Was it a text, a card, a gift, a thought, etc.?  I would be so honored if you would share.  I believe by sharing these little stories and moments, sharing can only help all of us to be better for each other!