May 12th and 15th, 2022

Note – I started this post on Thursday 05/12, however, I did not get a moment to finish the post till today, Sunday 05/15.  I am going to give his post two dates for my tracking.  Enjoy!

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Since my last post, I’ve done quite a bit more thinking and pondering on the “things to come” and along the way, something hit me that I was looking at all of this wrong. 

I started thinking about a story that a fellow pink warrior told me a couple of weeks ago where she had a mysterious skin tag pop up during her course of treatment that initiated a series of steps that lead to finding some remaining cancer that had materialized itself since her initial surgery which would have never been discovered, until it was too late, if it hadn’t been for that little skin tag which was pointing, yes, you heard me right, POINTING to cancer it would not have been discovered.  Can you believe that?

I started thinking about my situation with the DCIS (ductile carcinoma in situ) that they found 5 cm away from my tumor (Remember that – 5 cm away).  I was recalling the details that the surgeon shared with me about how that second cut happened in the ER and it suddenly all made sense. Let me share the story so we are all on the same page. 

The surgeon had taken out the tumor and had received the blessing from the pathologist that she had gotten the tumor and clear margins – 5 mm from the anterior margin and 6 mm from the superior margin to be exact.  She went on to explain that customarily they are happy with 1-2 mm margins, thus 5 and 6 mm margins were MORE than enough for them to feel comfortable.  The pathologist suggested that since I was having a lot of this tissue removed anyways for the breast reduction they should take a little bit more of the tissue for the pathologist to examine in the ER.  The way my surgeon described this to me was “since she had her cavity (the initial incision)” she did not want the plastic surgeon to mess with “her cavity” so she decided to be the one to go in and take the second cut and remove the additional tissue – which is the tissue which the DCIS was found.  I started to think about it and all of a sudden it made sense.  Think about it – they had clear margins – CLEAR MARGINS.  They did not have to take any more tissue, but the pathologist ask her to take more.  So she did.  What if there had been a different pathologist in the ER that day.  Would they have taken that tissue and looked at it and found the DCIS?  Who knows?  But because THAT pathologist in MY ER room asked the surgeon to take MORE tissue (just because) they found the DCIS?  

This is not a coincidence people – this was God guiding my doctors to find additional cancer so they could then provide additional treatments – radiation and oral chemo to heal THE cancer.  In more important words – from here on out I am referring to it as THE cancer.  It is no longer MY cancer.  Do you know why?  Because I don’t want cancer and from this point forward I refuse to have any OWNERSHIP of THE cancer.  Thus I’m changing my perspective and my vernacular to match each other and reiterate this each day.  

I honestly feel like somewhere along the road of coming to this conclusion I could hear God whispering in my ear “Baby Girl, I got you.  Don’t worry about any of this. There is a reason why the DCIS was found.  Just trust me.”  Additionally, shortly after coming to this conclusion, I received this text message from another fellow pink warrior which said:  

“I was thinking about your post when you expressed disappointment that your treatment continues.  I guess it is all about expectations.  You had expected it to be done earlier and it isn’t.  I had already been set up for a 1-year treatment plan, so it was already outlined as part of my journey.  Clearly, you are adjusting your perspective… the part that makes me the happiest about your post is that there are in fact more tactics to try and cure your cancer – that is the celebration part!  Stay brave and determined with your eyes on the prize… where the mind goes the body follows. XOXOXO”  The next text says:  “Strike that… reword to “there are more tactics to cure you of the cancer.” 🙂

In closing, God uses each of us to help ourselves and to help others.  God is in control and is faithful to us.  There are moments when we feel disappointed, scared, afraid, tired, etc. These are the moments that the devil will use to wiggle his way in to create chaos and fear.  These are the moments where we must be strong and lean on him.  In my experience, these are the moments where HE uses someone else around me to remind me that HE is there, HE hears my prayers and HE is working for MY GOOD and I should not fear or doubt this.  

To my pink warriors who were his chosen messengers this week (and you know who you are) – Thank you!  I love you dearly.

To my village – thanks for continuing the ride with me.  It means more than you will ever know.  I love you all!

Xo,

Tracy