April 26, 2022

Hi, y’all – 

Just checking in for a quick update on how I am doing and to let everyone know that I finally got some sleep last night.  Thank goodness!!!  Sleep is so underrated y’all.  It really is – WE NEED SLEEP.  Without sleep our bodies can’t heal and we can’t get better, and for the past 5 weeks – I have not been sleeping and it’s killing me.  Two weeks before surgery, I was instructed to stop taking my daily supplements and I can tell you that I am missing them greatly.  For anyone over the age of 30, I’m sure that you will understand.  My joints are hurting and my body is aching all over, but the biggest supplement that I am missing is my daily melatonin.  I shared with you last blog that I am just SO. FREAKING. TIRED. and that is still true.  

By nature, I am not a great sleeper and in the past, I’ve had to have drugs like Ambien to help me sleep.  Often these drugs help me fall asleep but they don’t keep me asleep.  Since I haven’t been able to take my daily melatonin, I have not been sleeping well at all.  Besides not having my melatonin I also have a couple of other issues that are contributing to me not getting a great night’s sleep.  The first problem is that I am a side-sleeper and with all the work that has been done on my chest, sleeping on my side is like a small walk down a bougainvillea-filled path – it’s sticky and prickly at best.  The second problem is that my chest is swollen and I am required to wear a compression bra all day long – including when I’m sleeping.  So on top of not being a back sleeper and wearing this compression device, I bolt out of bed a couple of times an evening gasping for air because I feel like I’m being suffocated.  Honestly, I think the other night I bolted awake, gasping for air, and then said, “Holy hell – how much longer will I need to wear this?”  I can tell you right now that I don’t want to know the answer to that question because I believe it’s longer than I want to realize right now.

The good news of the week is that yesterday I was allowed to start taking my supplements again – PRAISES, PRAISES, PRAISES.  Specifically, my Melatonin.  For the first time in 5 weeks, I got a good night’s sleep last night, and boy was it needed.  I’m posting a picture here for your sheer viewing pleasure to see the dark circles and bags under my eyes that I have accumulated.  I wish they were designer bags like Louis Vuitton or Gucci but they are not.   

When mom was here, I asked her if she thought I would ever not feel tired again and as kindly as possible she said that this feeling would (most likely) be my “normal” state for the next year or two of my life.  Good times, I tell you, good times.  Mom also said that for someone that is accustomed to living life at 1000 mph she can understand how this feeling is so aggravating to me and believe me – it is!

I am fearing the next round of treatment which is radiation.  I’m not fearing the radiation itself, but I am fearing that radiation often makes the patients feel “exhausted” and I wonder to myself – How much more exhausted could I possibly feel?  Lord, hopefully, I will have enough energy to make it through those treatments without the need to sleep all day.   We shall see, we shall see….

I am heading back to MD Anderson next week to meet with all my doctors – My Oncologist, My Radiation Oncologist, My breast reconstruction surgeon, and my surgeon.  It’s going to be a fun-filled few days of show and tell or the Boob Show as I like to call it and doctor’s visits.  I am excited to meet with my radiation oncologist and find out exactly how many radiation treatments will I have to do and when will I get started.  I am planning on renting an Airbnb and living in Houston and having the radiation treatments done there.  So Houston, consider yourself warned.  I am coming to town!

Thank you all for continuing to follow my journey and to keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers – we appreciate it more than you know! 

xo,

Tracy